Besides make me angry that I can't watch that movie about the kid with the parents that aren't his and the spy stuff and what not, Taylor Lautner gets his name mispronounced a lot. That is what comes to most peoples minds when they think of what Taylor Lautner does. Only you Logan. Come on, are you telling me you aren't angry too? We are, but first thing we think of is sexy wolf boy. I really need to get some guys to read this, boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs, that should do it.
There is much more to this 12 year old boy than meets the eye. By day he is a prepubescent boy, but by night he is actually...you guessed it...George Michael. (Sound of minds BLOWING). Yes, the seven year old actor Taylor Lautner is actually the same person that gave us Jitterbug and got arrested at least twice for gay bathroom sex. You may be wondering how this is possible? We are sure you are going to tell us.
In 1492 Columbus discovered the Americas, a little while later Cortez conquered the Aztec Empire. When he did so he met with a counsel of elders that were announcers for ESPN the Aztec. The announcers described in great detail, especially Aztec John Madden, the location of a magic land called El Fiesta or, in translated into English, the Opossum. So Cortez searched for the magical Opossum land. When he could no longer search he left a note in a bottle and buried it.
Several years later, probably around 1771 a man was on the run from the Revolution stuff that was going on. He ran all the way through Indian country (although lost all his money at the Wampum and Pipe Casino) and into Central America. He desperately lusted after the casino and began to dig for truffles so that he might sell them and be able to gamble again. In doing so he found the bottle with the tale of the magic land.
He had seen many Opossum in America and new that he could find his fortune if he returned. This man of course was George Michael. You probably know that George Michael is gay, no worries girls he isn't when he is Taylor Lautner, well actually he is but we will get to that later. Gay people do not know how to do anything, so of course he was not able to find his way back. He ended up in Nevada and started his own casino and called it Caesar's Palace, around it other homosexuals gathered and did stuff.
Over time George Michael began to come out of the closet (it was dark in there and his leg had fallen asleep). So he activated the Opossum power and created a new being. He conducted a ritual that would turn him into the perfect mate for whomever he was thinking about, sadly Thriller came on the radio right before the ritual finished and he became Taylor Lautner, looks like an eight year old boy, whines like a seventeen year old hoe sack. It is this that makes his voice so high and the reason he is not gay is that, he is actually a girl? Are you asking us? Asking you what? Asking if he is a girl? There is a question mark at the end of the sentence. Oh, I just thought that that was a fancy exclamation mark. You know because it is squiggly. You're retarded. Debby! Next. DEBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYY! That makes no sense. We do not get your obscure reference to something that has no relevance to anything you talked about. You are all just jealous because I have this awesome blog and you have nothing. Is this blog all you have? Why are you even here? Because I have no where else to go (sobbing). Here we go again.
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