Today is Friday everybody! (No it isn't today is Tuesday. Damn, I didn't know I was passed out so long, last time I drink and direct airplane traffic. Stop with these jokes for a while, really, too soon. Awe shoo, well I guess I will have to quit my traffic controller job and do something safer. I hear nuclear power plant workers in Japan get paid a lot and that it is a safe working enviroment. STOP IT. Fine.) Tomorrow is Saturday, well actually Wednesday.
Rebecca Black, internet sensation, knows what is up. In the minds of thirteen year old kids who have no idea how the real world works. Rebecca Black is actually, in reality, an immortal Miyan calandar maker. She actually doesn't know much English which is why her grammar is so horrible in her song. She looked to the Miyan god of something or the other, Justin Beiber, and he told her that a new calandar needs to be created. She then realized she didn't know dates or days of the week.
Black studied for many moons and finally learned the weekend, not Monday-Thursday but the weekend. She became so excited that she decided to make a music video so everyone could know the weekend. It could have been a good music video but being immortal, Black, did not know the customs of thirteen year old American children (like that they can't drive and that they have school on Friday not just the thought of school in the morning) and because she spoke mostley Miyan and Elvish (the Miyans loved the work of Tolkein) she did not know proper grammar either.
Unknowingly, the song "Friday" has started the appocolypse. Beiber the god of something or the other in the Miyan culture decided that the world should end in 2012 so he influenced Black in a way as to get this song public. We will all kill ourselves by 2012 because of the ten annoying as hell people who keep this song in circulation. Before long other stupid things will become super famous: Snuggies, cartoons that aren't from the 90's, shows that only get you Lost... (Logan...that is kind of how things are right now. (Pulls Trigger. BANG).
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
What Glenn Beck Actually Does
Many of you know that Mr. Beck had recently been fired. For those of you who did not you are either very young, in a hole somewhere (Alice Cooper your cave in the middle of Arizona counts), or very un-interested in news. If you do not know who Glenn Beck, you should.
Born in a manger sometime within 1,000,000 years Glenn Beck was the son of the ex-virgin Mrs. Beck. He had a peculiar talent, from then till now Glenn Beck has had, "the gift." Being clervoient Mr. Beck has never actually been wrong about anything. He pretended to be wrong so that people wouldn't catch on.
This was a good thing for Beck, until recently. He was chillin' all 'lax' and actin' all cool and shootin' some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of republicans who were up to no good starting making trouble in his upper middle class white neighborhood, he got in one little fight and fox got scared and said you're fired for getting super angry at the one black person in Bel Aire. The black person ended up being John Stewart, and the retaliation that followed was one with more deaths than anyone could have ever imagined.
The democrats had a secret base in a nuclear plant in Japan so Beck and his crew desided to light a sack of poop on the front door, the fire from said poo caused the plant to over heat and now everything has gone to hell. (Damn Logan we told you, it is too soon. Still? Yes, still, we will tell you when it is ok. Fine).
He pulled up to his house about seven or eight and yelled to his maid, "Yo, Loretta come give me some flavor." He looked at his kingdom, he was finally there, glad he's not Palin killing dragons and bears.
Born in a manger sometime within 1,000,000 years Glenn Beck was the son of the ex-virgin Mrs. Beck. He had a peculiar talent, from then till now Glenn Beck has had, "the gift." Being clervoient Mr. Beck has never actually been wrong about anything. He pretended to be wrong so that people wouldn't catch on.
This was a good thing for Beck, until recently. He was chillin' all 'lax' and actin' all cool and shootin' some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of republicans who were up to no good starting making trouble in his upper middle class white neighborhood, he got in one little fight and fox got scared and said you're fired for getting super angry at the one black person in Bel Aire. The black person ended up being John Stewart, and the retaliation that followed was one with more deaths than anyone could have ever imagined.
The democrats had a secret base in a nuclear plant in Japan so Beck and his crew desided to light a sack of poop on the front door, the fire from said poo caused the plant to over heat and now everything has gone to hell. (Damn Logan we told you, it is too soon. Still? Yes, still, we will tell you when it is ok. Fine).
He pulled up to his house about seven or eight and yelled to his maid, "Yo, Loretta come give me some flavor." He looked at his kingdom, he was finally there, glad he's not Palin killing dragons and bears.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
What Weird Al Actually Does
Many people have seen Weird Al in music videos and on CD covers, but it wasn't always so. He was born on April 22, 1836 and named Weird Phillip Francis Al. His childhood was challenging, while he went to church and came from aristocracy, he had two middle names and that made him a black sheep in the community.
Much like the elves those, like Weird Al, who were born of Amish decent live prolonged lives. This allowed Mr. Al to achieve many things such as writing many works under the pen name of Henry David Thoreau. Later in his life he found his passion of shoe making and became an amish shoemaker.
He lived a charmed life raising barns and crafting the finest shoes in New England. His shoes were so fine in quality that everyone forgot about him having two first names. In 1983 Mr. Al was accused and convicted by his den of aminites of the crime of having no facial hair. This was the last straw for Weird Phillip Francis Al and he left the herd behind. One simply does not stray from their amish flock, no, to leave a pack of aminites one must break their most important rule "thou shalt not write nor perform satirical song, poetry, or improv on that show with Drew Carry."
Al had a hard time at first, never before being without his amish school. Just as he was about to get a job working the sound board for The View he found his one shot out of hell. He made a rant about how good amish life was and someone put it to a rap tune and laughed. From then on Weird Al would just write true songs and make people believe they are satirical, thus breaking his bond with the imortal Aminites and marrieing his one true love Aragorn son of Dennis the Shrubber cousin of Ellen Degeneris or however you spell it.
And so ends a Hobbits Tale by Bilbo Baggins.
Much like the elves those, like Weird Al, who were born of Amish decent live prolonged lives. This allowed Mr. Al to achieve many things such as writing many works under the pen name of Henry David Thoreau. Later in his life he found his passion of shoe making and became an amish shoemaker.
He lived a charmed life raising barns and crafting the finest shoes in New England. His shoes were so fine in quality that everyone forgot about him having two first names. In 1983 Mr. Al was accused and convicted by his den of aminites of the crime of having no facial hair. This was the last straw for Weird Phillip Francis Al and he left the herd behind. One simply does not stray from their amish flock, no, to leave a pack of aminites one must break their most important rule "thou shalt not write nor perform satirical song, poetry, or improv on that show with Drew Carry."
Al had a hard time at first, never before being without his amish school. Just as he was about to get a job working the sound board for The View he found his one shot out of hell. He made a rant about how good amish life was and someone put it to a rap tune and laughed. From then on Weird Al would just write true songs and make people believe they are satirical, thus breaking his bond with the imortal Aminites and marrieing his one true love Aragorn son of Dennis the Shrubber cousin of Ellen Degeneris or however you spell it.
And so ends a Hobbits Tale by Bilbo Baggins.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7
Friday, April 1, 2011
What George Clooney Actually Does
George Clooney is a tall order to some, but in real life he is much much more. We know that he has super hero skills, playing as Batman in Batman and Robin, however Clooney is also a super hero in real life as well. George Clooney has the power to take anything that has already been done and make it cool again and seem original by doing it. For example the Caesar haircut.
Ever wonder why Clooney always does that look? You know, squint, look down, look up, bob head cockily? Well it isn't just because he forgot his line. When Clooney was thirteen he was exposed to a vast amount of silly putty that was stored in a warehouse next to the nuclear power plant that just exploded (kinda) in Japan. Many of you may be saying "too soon Logan, too soon" though the silly putty was sent back in time due to the explosion which is how Clooney came into contact with it when he was thirteen, so really even though the earthquake would be bad to joke about this soon (we all know it was due to Godzilla anyway, darn indigestion why do asian have to be so spicy) the joke is actually making fun of something that is many many years old. How old is Clooney anyway? I will Google it...born in 1961. So 61 plus 13 would be 74 and 2011 minus 1974 is (getting calculator program running) 37 years ago. Now everyone knows I passed third grade math.
The radiation from the silly putty gave Clooney super sight, he can see his script from any location but only if he does the look. Beyond that Clooney can do some minor things like look attractive to middle aged women and grow facial hair a bit better than if he didn't come in contact with the radioactive silly putty.
In 2003 Clooney went to Illinois to pick corn and yell at Ohio from a safe distance. No one knows why but Clooney isn't too fond of Ohio. In 2005 he died of lung cancer but was placed in the pet cemetery which due to the silly putty had no ill effects. In 2006 he ate fifteen burritos in ten minutes which happens to be the most burritos eaten in ten minutes in George Clooney's house. Nothing much happened at all in 2007 due to a 2,100 year old melon that was discovered by archaeologists in Japan that Clooney believed to be apart of DaVinci's code. He had seven haircuts in the year 2008.
Clooney is now learning how to brush his teeth like a big boy and beat the final level of Call of Duty. He fell in love, with himself. They have gone on five dates and he really hopes it will work out this time, Clooney popped the question spontaniously a few days ago and no answer has been released. He has 11 children which he often robs casinos with.
There is not much else to say about George Clooney. He is a man of many oddities and enjoys kittens and watches X-Files as often as he can. Sometimes Clooney will eat chinese food sometimes just chinese. Clooney loves Shakespear (no homo) and Maureen Johnson but only as a friend.
By the way I just found out that Clooney replied to Clooney's wedding request. He said, "No, the Cloon is a freebird and this bird cannot get tied down until he finds Sasquatch." Clooney is on his way now through Michigain to look for Satch in Canada, facing his fear of Canadians and frankophones in an attempt to win himself over.
Ever wonder why Clooney always does that look? You know, squint, look down, look up, bob head cockily? Well it isn't just because he forgot his line. When Clooney was thirteen he was exposed to a vast amount of silly putty that was stored in a warehouse next to the nuclear power plant that just exploded (kinda) in Japan. Many of you may be saying "too soon Logan, too soon" though the silly putty was sent back in time due to the explosion which is how Clooney came into contact with it when he was thirteen, so really even though the earthquake would be bad to joke about this soon (we all know it was due to Godzilla anyway, darn indigestion why do asian have to be so spicy) the joke is actually making fun of something that is many many years old. How old is Clooney anyway? I will Google it...born in 1961. So 61 plus 13 would be 74 and 2011 minus 1974 is (getting calculator program running) 37 years ago. Now everyone knows I passed third grade math.
The radiation from the silly putty gave Clooney super sight, he can see his script from any location but only if he does the look. Beyond that Clooney can do some minor things like look attractive to middle aged women and grow facial hair a bit better than if he didn't come in contact with the radioactive silly putty.
In 2003 Clooney went to Illinois to pick corn and yell at Ohio from a safe distance. No one knows why but Clooney isn't too fond of Ohio. In 2005 he died of lung cancer but was placed in the pet cemetery which due to the silly putty had no ill effects. In 2006 he ate fifteen burritos in ten minutes which happens to be the most burritos eaten in ten minutes in George Clooney's house. Nothing much happened at all in 2007 due to a 2,100 year old melon that was discovered by archaeologists in Japan that Clooney believed to be apart of DaVinci's code. He had seven haircuts in the year 2008.
Clooney is now learning how to brush his teeth like a big boy and beat the final level of Call of Duty. He fell in love, with himself. They have gone on five dates and he really hopes it will work out this time, Clooney popped the question spontaniously a few days ago and no answer has been released. He has 11 children which he often robs casinos with.
There is not much else to say about George Clooney. He is a man of many oddities and enjoys kittens and watches X-Files as often as he can. Sometimes Clooney will eat chinese food sometimes just chinese. Clooney loves Shakespear (no homo) and Maureen Johnson but only as a friend.
By the way I just found out that Clooney replied to Clooney's wedding request. He said, "No, the Cloon is a freebird and this bird cannot get tied down until he finds Sasquatch." Clooney is on his way now through Michigain to look for Satch in Canada, facing his fear of Canadians and frankophones in an attempt to win himself over.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)