What Cowboys Really Do

Moo, moo, moo.  Cowboys have wrangled cows in the wild west for thousands of years.  Logan, cowboys haven't even been around for 200 years.  You are thinking negative my friend, you need to get out more and be an active member of society.  Is that what you call writing this crap alone?  I'ml not alone I'm in public.  Oh so you are one of those guys who writes out in public even though you aren't very good because you just want attention?  Yes I am, I mean, nooooo.

Anywho, Cowboys began ca 9000 B.C.E. when dinosaurs ruled the earth.  Dinosaurs were already dead.  Um, yeah, because of all the Cowboys.  Besides, not all the dinosaurs were dead, birds are dinosaurs.  Your mom's a dinosaur.  How did you know?

The Cowboys decided that dinosaurs were too dangerous and would eat all of the people.  To prevent this from happening the Cowboys road their rocket horses into space and wrangled up a meteorite.  They drove the meteor to earth where it exploded.  This is the story you probably heard in elementary school.  What your teacher didn't tell you is that the meteor didn't actually do any damage to anything, there was something secret inside of the meteor, Andy Dick.

They don't explain this to you in school because it takes some following to understand.  First, dinosaurs are inherently cool, that is why you buy them as toys and watch Jurassic Park even though Jeff Goldbloom is the only good actor (take that Colonel Sanders).  Since they are cool they must be cool.  Andy Dick, however, is uncool.  He is so uncool that being around him makes even the coolest of things uncool (except He-Man nothing makes He-Man uncool).  This created diminished the equilibrium of coolness which made all the dinosaurs move to the moon.

So next time you think to yourself, "Man, I really love cereal," remember that you can eat that cereal thanks to the men and women who died serving our country.  We were talking about dinosaurs and cowboys and stuff.  Oh.  So next time you wonder why there are no dinosaurs remember that James Bond killed them all because he is so awesome.  You said Andy Dick killed them because he is so uncool.  No I didn't.  It says so right up there, you didn't even bother to change your story you just made up an ending that makes no sense.  Prove it.