Friday, October 21, 2011
What Nikki Minaj Actually Does
If you have heard Nikki Minaj's new song what she actually does should be no surprise. Nikki Minaj is a biologist in search of the mysterious Super Bass the largest of all the Bass. The Super Bass is a fish that is attracted to pink Lamborghinis and Airplanes.
The Super Bass was captured by the famous Super Hero/Music Group Earth Wind and Fire back in the day, however the Super Bass was able to befriend a Squirrel/Wizard that resided outside of the Super Bass fish tank. The Wizard Squirrel cast a spell called Katrina that was suppose to summon a really fat chick that would pick up the Super Bass and let it free into the Straight of Gibraltar which is located between Louisiana and Texas. (The Straight of Gibraltar is located in the Mediterranean Sea, you are thinking of the Gulf of Mexico. I am pretty sure it's the Straight of Gibraltar. No, it isn't. Eh.) However, the Wizard Squirrel ended up summoning a big frickin' hurricane which flooded New Orleans. It did still free the Super Bass though.
Nikki Minaj heard Bob Dylan singing about the Hurricane and new that the Super Bass must have gotten free. She then went to her boss Kanye West, King of all the Jews. Yup, Kanye is Jewish, deal. He instructed her to use the pink Lambo and Jet to draw out the Super Bass.
We must stand up and protect the Super Bass, please please please send letters to the only organization that people listen to, PETA the leading protector of ManBearPig. Send PETA your pleas to save the Super Bass from Nikki Minaj. It is endangered and needs your help. All it takes is twenty-five cents a day and you could save the Super Bass ask that bearded dude who is always chilling with foreign kids. He knows.
The Super Bass was captured by the famous Super Hero/Music Group Earth Wind and Fire back in the day, however the Super Bass was able to befriend a Squirrel/Wizard that resided outside of the Super Bass fish tank. The Wizard Squirrel cast a spell called Katrina that was suppose to summon a really fat chick that would pick up the Super Bass and let it free into the Straight of Gibraltar which is located between Louisiana and Texas. (The Straight of Gibraltar is located in the Mediterranean Sea, you are thinking of the Gulf of Mexico. I am pretty sure it's the Straight of Gibraltar. No, it isn't. Eh.) However, the Wizard Squirrel ended up summoning a big frickin' hurricane which flooded New Orleans. It did still free the Super Bass though.
Nikki Minaj heard Bob Dylan singing about the Hurricane and new that the Super Bass must have gotten free. She then went to her boss Kanye West, King of all the Jews. Yup, Kanye is Jewish, deal. He instructed her to use the pink Lambo and Jet to draw out the Super Bass.
We must stand up and protect the Super Bass, please please please send letters to the only organization that people listen to, PETA the leading protector of ManBearPig. Send PETA your pleas to save the Super Bass from Nikki Minaj. It is endangered and needs your help. All it takes is twenty-five cents a day and you could save the Super Bass ask that bearded dude who is always chilling with foreign kids. He knows.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
What Wall Street Protesters Actually Do
Who knows why these people are protesting? It might be because of Wall Street? Maybe they are protesting because I went to Walmart the other day and was 17 cents short of being able to buy a Lion King doll. (A Lion King doll? Yeah, it was $14.00 but after tax I was short. You wouldn't be so poor if you got a real job instead of just writing this crap for money. Jokes on you, I don't even get paid.) Anyway, who knows why these people are protesting? I am being serious, who? (Aren't you suppose to know? Why would you think that? Well you are writing a post about what they do. Oh yeah.)
These protesters are protesting stuff like big business and the fact that CEOs are getting paid loads of money and of course that their hippy dippy stores are getting manhandled out of business by these big bad corporations. Of course they don't consider the fact that they have to buy things from these companies in order for said companies to continue to prosper. The groups, made up mostly of liberals, voted for President Obama who is the reason many of these companies are still so big and bad via his bailout. Of course we all know Obama is just a robot designed by the aliens at the end of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls so that doesn't really matter anyway.
While these people are protesting what are they using to communicate with their fellow protesters? iPhones, Facebook, Twitter, HP computers and all while they eat food from Walmart, bank at a bank (They are all horrible people. Bankers? No banks, banks are horrible people. You know horses are horrible people too, and ducks, bridges? Small rocks! Churches!)
What makes me angry is that they complain because the CEOs are making so much money. Put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn't you accept that much money? I know I would. (I would take a pool of hundred dollar bills and throw a bond-fire, then sprinkle the ashes in some farmers crop to help fertilize the soil. That way they couldn't get mad at me for not giving back). The protesters get mad at anyone successful, which isn't right because many of them deserve to be. (How about you protesters? What have you done?) Some of them made their own way in life from the ground up and they do not deserve the angry protesting of an uneducated and ungrateful mass.
Some of the protesters are getting paid by someone to protest and don't even care, many others are just doing it to join in the band wagon (Aren't you a Patriots fan, as well as a Yankees fan and a Manchester United fan? Yeah but that was before they got good. The Yankees? Pssh, you don't know me. Logan, you are typing this, all of this, even this in the italicized letters. No one is talking to you. Well I'm rubber your glue...Hold on, phone call...Who is it?...Protest?...Where?...Who?...Oh you don't know why put a lot of people are going?...I might get paid?...Of course I'll come protest. Was that about a Wall Street protest? Yeah, a bunch of people are going to protest something, I am really lonely and there will be people there. Plus you don't ever read this so I have no money and they might pay me. You just wrote an entire article on how much the protesters suck. No I didn't, this was all just a ruse. To do what? Look over there, something shiny).
These protesters are protesting stuff like big business and the fact that CEOs are getting paid loads of money and of course that their hippy dippy stores are getting manhandled out of business by these big bad corporations. Of course they don't consider the fact that they have to buy things from these companies in order for said companies to continue to prosper. The groups, made up mostly of liberals, voted for President Obama who is the reason many of these companies are still so big and bad via his bailout. Of course we all know Obama is just a robot designed by the aliens at the end of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls so that doesn't really matter anyway.
While these people are protesting what are they using to communicate with their fellow protesters? iPhones, Facebook, Twitter, HP computers and all while they eat food from Walmart, bank at a bank (They are all horrible people. Bankers? No banks, banks are horrible people. You know horses are horrible people too, and ducks, bridges? Small rocks! Churches!)
What makes me angry is that they complain because the CEOs are making so much money. Put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn't you accept that much money? I know I would. (I would take a pool of hundred dollar bills and throw a bond-fire, then sprinkle the ashes in some farmers crop to help fertilize the soil. That way they couldn't get mad at me for not giving back). The protesters get mad at anyone successful, which isn't right because many of them deserve to be. (How about you protesters? What have you done?) Some of them made their own way in life from the ground up and they do not deserve the angry protesting of an uneducated and ungrateful mass.
Some of the protesters are getting paid by someone to protest and don't even care, many others are just doing it to join in the band wagon (Aren't you a Patriots fan, as well as a Yankees fan and a Manchester United fan? Yeah but that was before they got good. The Yankees? Pssh, you don't know me. Logan, you are typing this, all of this, even this in the italicized letters. No one is talking to you. Well I'm rubber your glue...Hold on, phone call...Who is it?...Protest?...Where?...Who?...Oh you don't know why put a lot of people are going?...I might get paid?...Of course I'll come protest. Was that about a Wall Street protest? Yeah, a bunch of people are going to protest something, I am really lonely and there will be people there. Plus you don't ever read this so I have no money and they might pay me. You just wrote an entire article on how much the protesters suck. No I didn't, this was all just a ruse. To do what? Look over there, something shiny).
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